How to Talk to Your Spouse Who Says You Work Too Much

Strong marriages and relationships require attention from both partners. This balance of attention to spouse versus earning a living or furthering your career can be difficult to find. And, once you have found a balance that works in your relationship, things change and you have to find the balance again.

Why do some people overwork? The Overworking Spouse may be under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive workers are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the other hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage. Of course, we should be involved in work that is worthwhile, fulfilling and financially rewarding but over focus can put the marriage at risk.

What can happen when you put your work/career first? Your spouse may be feeling emotionally disconnected from you and lonely. There may be a buildup of resentment which can lead to anger and finally bitterness-towards you. This situation often leads to unhappiness and discord for the entire family.

As a psychologist who has worked for 20 years counseling couples in my therapy practice in North St. Paul, MN, I met with Amy and Josh with just this complaint. Amy was complaining that she was overburdened because Josh worked too much and left her with the responsibilities of home, children, and her own 40-hour job. He knew she was right but he felt defensive when she tried to tell him how to manage his work schedule. He’d started complaining that when wasn’t very affectionate lately and always blamed her disinterest in their physical intimacy on fatigue. He asked to meet with me individually after Amy had had a session to talk about her “side”of the problem. He was appreciative that she was not as naggy as she had been in the past, but he still felt blamed and criticized.

When Josh and I met, we talked of the reasons that he was spending so much time at work. The usual reasons people overwork is that they are feeling under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive works are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman, in their book 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, suggest the following questions:

1.What does your work mean to you?

2.What pleasure or satisfaction does work bring to you?

3.What need does working fulfill in your life?

4.Does your work related to some personal legacy you would like to contribute to the world?

In a discussion with Josh, he pointed out that he was trying to make headway in his career now, while he was still young and had the energy. He knew his wife was doing a good job parenting their two small children (3 years and 9 months) so he wanted to focus on earning good money for his family. At first, he couldn’t understand why Amy was complaining so much because he was doing all this work for her and their children. He felt it was his responsibility. He wanted to provide his children with a fund for their education.

I suggested he consider the questions listed above. He said that his work is very satisfying in that he felt very confident and capable at work. He also wanted to meet his father’s expectations who had had a successful career. His older two brothers had moved from job to job and he knew his father was disappointed that they had difficulty supporting their families.

It was important for Josh to understand the underlying reasons for his excessive hours at work. He did not have a demanding boss and he was in no threat of a layoff. He just wanted to do the right thing. He had not thought of himself as having value over and above that of a worker and wage earner. He resigned himself to have a discussion with Amy. He said he would try to listen carefully about what Amy was longing for when she complained to him. I suggested he try to imagine the experiences she wanted to have with him and not to focus on her criticisms.

When Amy and Josh came for the next couple’s session, they wanted to further discuss the overworking situation. (They no longer saw the problem as residing inside one of them but as a problem the two of them need to figure out.) Any was able to explain to him what she missed when he work so much. He came to get a sense that his contribution to their family was not solely a financial responsibility. He heard her tell him he was also loved, appreciated, and needed as a friend, confidant and co-parent. She especially enjoyed his easy humor with their children and felt he was the only one who would be able to provide that.

This was a difficult issue for this couple and it was not resolved quickly. They were able to discuss their needs and wants in a different way when they addressed the questions about the underlying reasons for their positions.

But I Don’t Feel Like Working Out!

Do most people actually feel like exercising? Think about it. Who do you know actually loves to work-out as often as they can? Probably not many because if most people felt that way there wouldn’t be an obesity epidemic.

As I write this, even I’m putting off the inevitable. I have to work-out. I’m a Personal Trainer. Shouldn’t I be counting down the seconds until I get to hurt and sweat to the classic rock channel and my dumbbells? Nope. I have spent the last hour or so lollygagging around the couple of sites I tend to frequent, posting a few status updates and commenting “great pic” here and there while working up the motivation to get moving! I have a holiday party to attend tonight and I can promise you…the food will probably be pretty good. So how can I take my love of fabulous cuisine and my obvious Sunday morning laziness and somehow use this combo to get me up off the sofa and into the work-out room? Well I’ll tell ya….

I’ve been fat and I’ve been fit and I promise you that fit feels better! I just typed a paragraph or so about my own vulnerabilities above to let you know that I relate to your lack of desire to exercise. We aren’t that different from each other. I live in the same fast world with the same fast food and email vs. snail mail and instant gratification benefits as everyone else. The only problem with this is that permanent and healthy weight-loss and weight-management take time, perseverance and yep, hard work.

I know what happens when we put important tasks off. They either never get done or if they eventually do, there is usually a hefty late penalty. It’s no different with our bodies. To develop and keep a fit physique, consistency is the key. To stay consistent, we have to change our minds.

The truth is that the next hour or so WILL go by regardless of what I choose to do within that time. The last hour is over and I chose to sit on the computer. Now even though I really did more productive things other than post silly stuff online, the fact remains that there is still a work-out to be done. I will have calories to burn off for later. I have a metabolism to speed up for the indulgences I will partake in tonight. I can choose to sit here for the rest of the afternoon and not get my strength training session in and I probably still won’t put on any significant weight from tonight’s foods. The reason for this is that while most often I would prefer not to work-out, I do it anyway because I ALWAYS feel a sense of pride, joy and power by the end of that hour of exercise than I would feel by not doing it. I feel AMAZING when I finish an exercise session. Did it happen overnight? NO! I had to make myself continue to experience it for a good long time until I realized the power behind a regular fitness routine. The result is a faster metabolism which burns my calories for me while I do nothing at all. In real estate, they would call this cash flow from a rental property. The investing, rehabs and negotiations are done yet the pay goes on. Brilliant!

Think about where you are right now. Do you have any regrets over the things you didn’t do? Have you noticed any negative circumstances in your life that could have been kept small and insignificant if only you had tackled them sooner? What about any goals you would have accomplished had you acted sooner (or at all)? When you take a moment and honestly think about any of these regrets, are you convinced that if you only had the chance to make a different decision you would have done it and then you would have everything you’ve ever wanted by now? How much would you give to change the outcome of any of the scenarios I just mentioned?

It’s been 2 hours since my last paragraph. In that time, I worked-out AND prepared all the vegetables needed for my few days worth of healthy salads. I’ll be honest here. I absolutely didn’t feel like doing ANY of that. It’s time consuming and labor intensive as far as I’m concerned. Given that thought process, here’s another one which is equally true. I just finished my work-out and prepared my lean and nutrient dense post exercise replenishment not just for today, but for the next several days to come. It was labor intensive, but I FEEL AMAZING! The hard work is done and I’ll reap the benefits of 2 hours worth of work for the next few days! The technical term for this is delayed gratification. Let’s say it together. DELAYED GRATIFICATION. It’s a way of life we don’t experience much of these days and I believe it’s why our bodies suffer from malnutrition and limited physical capabilities.

You see, most of us don’t feel like doing a lot of the things we need to do and I’m no different. The only way to experience the other side of this particular coin is to just do it. Whatever it is. With exercise, the more often you muster up the strength to get it done, the more you’ll understand the rewards. Don’t get me wrong, you still may want to put it off, however, you’ll have a valid sense of what you’re missing out on if you do. You’ll get how powerful it feels to spend that hour or so doing what you’ll feel proud of rather than nothing at all, which you could easily regret much longer than a measly hour, possibly the rest of your life. This way of thinking creates pride and a healthy self-esteem. It also helps to abolish any feelings of restriction since when we take care of ourselves the majority of the time, we can enjoy our indulgences without guilt.

Well, now that I’ve done the hard work, I’m gonna relax. As I had mentioned earlier, it’s Sunday. The only day of the week that I don’t have to be something to someone. The day that’s reserved all for me. Rather than spending all of it vegging, I gave myself the best gift I could….peace of mind from good work well done. I took that hour, doubled it and now I feel free!

So what about you? What did you get from this?

Wishing you a lifetime of smart choices and self-pride!

The Basic Facts of Web Design For Online Business

Designing a suitable website plays an extremely crucial part in promoting your online business on a professional level. Possessing a website which also appears good on a smartphone or tablet is vital to continue to keep your company competitive. To do this, your website should be clean, with simple navigation, and a look and feel that's simple to follow for an improved user experience.

Website design needs a lot of creativity. An appealing design of the site is the secret, which will bring in lots of possible clients. An excellent site design can take your organization graph to new heights. It's a neat compact design that may fit even in little spaces and is made entirely in the United States, to guarantee quality and support.

Since you'll be leaving the designing of your website to a company, choose a web design company who employs the newest technology to keep your website on top of the competition. Apart from that you could also locate a great company which could offer security solutions for your business enterprise.

Without this, another business will quickly replace your business. While you're looking for the web design company that is most suitable for you, do not fail to review about the organization's name, reputation and company policies. It's often hard to secure a web design company with expertise in excellent ecommerce programming, it is not impossible. So now you've found one of the best ecommerce website design firms.

The websites are created quite user friendly. The websites are completely designed and developed using WordPress or similar CMS platform and it is the ideal platform inside this arena. Submitting to business directories increase your small business site's search engine optimization (search engine optimization), meaning that it's going to be simpler for customers to discover your business through search engines.

If you would like your site to perform and generate leads for increased sales, your company will need far more than merely a site. If you own a site but not satisfied then it is possible to get help from reputed web design firm to get rid of same. The intriguing part about this site is it does not really comply with the tides of the fashion world, but instead intends to earn a mark of its own. It's through getting your own site. You can do all these by getting your own website which works.

Your site is a direct reflection of your online business. Whenever your website is ready and accessible seamlessly across different mobile devices, then your website will become greater engagement medium and a greater rate of retention. Not only does this increase your small business website's SEO, in addition, it keeps people interested in your company by giving them fresh content to view on a regular basis. Submitting to local small business directories is another great way to market your small business website.

Each website is customized to their requirements. Many companies web sites have a bad position in search engine rankings, or may not be listed at all because they do not understand how search engines work. Furthermore, maintaining your site content relays the message that you're keeping your company techniques updated and keeps your small business image polished, in turn winning over new customers.

Imagine having your customers see your site, simply to discover that parts of your site are broken. To attain success, a website bought to be designed under the umbrella of one team. Your website is optimized for search engines to ensure it is simple for your clients to find you. In the modern technology-driven world, your website is often the very first impression of your company and have to capture the user's attention instantly. A website, with fast and straightforward location search, was also a necessity for local business.

Affiliate Prophet Strategy – Make Your Living Online

Affiliate marketing has become a staple of the cyberspace marketing scene for many years. It is highly praised as a cash cow for newbies and full-fledged marketers alike. But is it really pays to be an affiliate marketing? Let’s look for more …

Basically, affiliate marketing is an agreement between a website owner and a merchant. The owner of the site is an advertiser for the merchant or product creator. The agreement is a contract between two parties that states that the web site owner can use several methods, including space on its website to promote products merchants. Meanwhile commercial vessels agrees to pay a percent of each sale generated through subsidiaries personal bond.

This welfares both sides because the product designer is nothing to advertise their products or affiliate pays nothing to research and develop fresh products.

This makes a win-win billet.

Produced by the designer makes money from advertising, which is one of the most expensive to do business, through the costs of these subsidiaries. Basically, this is a pay for performance, because the trader does not cover all costs until the sale was made and the merchant pays the specified.

The affiliate marketing wins by being able to sell a product already developed, saving time and money in front of not having to deal with R & D and product creation. This product is already developed and tested by the merchandiser, and all you need to do as a partner, is to find as a lot of prospects as you can bring benefits for both retailers and yourself.

Another advantage of the subsidiary is that most programs are free to enter and have done so prior to the sale of marketing materials to make your experience should not be an expert.

Probably the greatest advantage of being an affiliate marketing on the Internet, the Internet itself.

Given the international reach of the cyberspace, it is very comfortable to reach 10s of 1000s of prospects for almost any type of product online. It is also very comfortable to intensify your attempts as an affiliate marketer to exploit modern and productive strategies such as viral marketing, books, special reports and automatic.

Finally, as an affiliate trafficker you to choose between different products to advertise. You are not married to a particular product or a specific product type. The risk is minimal because there is no binding long-term contracts, if a product is not for profit, you can quickly and easily replaced by another.

In all, affiliate marketing is still a great way to earn money from the Internet. Do your diligence to find a market for the hungry, finding a good product and go!